ToS:Tales of Spoofalot:Kratos's Problem
by Grumpy Dude
Summary: How did Kratos fit that thick dagger into his scabbard? The question is finally answered! But it leads to a much, MUCH bigger adventure than they ever could have imagined... Chapter four up!
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Grumpy Dude, this is my first story.**

**Background info:Sara and Eclipse are two friends that have been sucked into Tales of Symphonia. **

. . . Just read the story.

* * *

It started out rather harmlessly. After defeating monsters, again, I watched Kratos thrust a thick stubby dagger into his very long thin scabbard. I kept wondering, '_I know he's evil and all, but how does he do that?'_ So, while Eclipse and the others were talking, I asked him. "Kratos, how do you do that?" 

"Do what?" he asked.

"You know . . . stuff that dagger quickly into your scabbard." I said, mimicking the way he did it.

A smirk crept across his face. "Foolish pupil. You will never master my technique."

"Just tell me." I was starting to get annoyed.

"Fine." He sounded surly. "But in private." He started to walk back toward the others.

"Fine," I called, while thinking. "Why in private? How odd. Hmm... Wait! **What?** **_Private? That perv!_** How old is he anyways!"

My M-rated thoughts were interrupted by something clonking me on the head.

"Why would I care about something that stupid!" Kratos screeched.

Oops. Guess I was thinking out loud. "Ow. That hurt," I said reproachfully. Kratos glared at me.

"Do you want to learn it or not?!"

Yes, please."

"Then we'll meet in this clearing after dinner so no one notices."

"Wha- that has to be the dumbest, oldest cliches-"

He had already left. How dare he leave during my tirade! When we met again I would give him a piece of my mind!

* * *

Later

* * *

It was after lunch, and I was waited for Kratos in the clearing. I waited . . . . . and waited . . . . . . . and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. 

I started to pace. "What's taking him so long? I'm beginning to wonder if he's even coming."

"I'm already here."

I turned. "Oh, thank goodness! You're here! Wait, you're here? What took you so long! I've been waiting for hours!" I exclaimed.

"It was only two minutes."

"Wha- You were here the whole time? You jerk."

He ignored me. "Now, the question that you asked me before, about my scabbard."

I waved my hand in the air. "Um-"

"Quiet! I'm not finished."

"Um, Kratos?" I said more urgently.

"I said I'm not finished! And it's 'sir'."

I continued to frantically wave my hand. "Um, sir?"

"Yes?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"What?!"

Thinking he hadn't heard me, I took a deep breath. "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, SIR!"

I heard you before!" he snapped with his hands over his ears.. "Can't it wait?"

"No!" I was practically dancing in agitation by now.

"Fine," he sighed. "But make it quick."

I smiled and hurried away.

* * *

Five Seconds Later

* * *

"I'm back!" I sang. 

"What?! But you were gone for f-five seconds!" spluttered Kratos.

"Oh, that. You bought it? And you're the smarty in the game . . . "

"Are you saying you faked it?!"

"Well, yeah. Hey, don't blame me, blame the makers of the game. They're the one's who didn't program outhouses or toilets," I said.

That threw him for a loop. "What . . . . ?" he finally said, "A . . . a game?"

"Never mind. Will you show me the technique now? Pretty please?"

"Oh . . . fine. Are you ready?" he said, getting into a comfortable fighting stance.

"I'm ready!" I said while muttering, "Wow, who else says that? Ooo, I know! Spongebob!" And so, I marched around Kratos, imitating the noble sponge, chanting, "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm r-"

Whack! Pow! Smack! Bam! Whonk!

Kratos rubbed his knuckles while I rubbed my poor, injured, abused body. "You're cold," I muttered.

"Shut it. Now, are you prepared?" he said, once again settling into a comfortable fighting stance.

"I-" I started. Kratos shot me a glare that made five birds and a wyvern drop out of the sky, dead.

"-am prepared, sir." I finished meekly.

"Good. Now hold the scabbard in one hand and the sword-"

"Dagger," I corrected.

"Weapon," he said testily, "in the other hand."

"Right," I said, pantomiming his acttions.

"Hold tightly."

"Right."

"And press the magic button."

"Ri- huh?"

But sure enough, Kratos pushed a button on the scabbard. With a click and a whooooooosh that sounded like a vacuum cleaner, the dagger was stuck tight in the scabbard.

"And that," Kratos said proudly, "is how it's done."

"Gimme that!" I yanked the scabbard away from him.

"Hey! That's mine!" Kratos whined.

I held it reverently in my hands. The aura of the scabbard seemed to glow with an other worldly power. "This . . . scabbard," I wispered, "is an all powerful vacuum cleaner! It's so . . . beautiful!" I started sobbing.

"Vacoom cwea-nah?" Kratos mused aloud. "Whuzat?"

"And the power . . . ahhh, I could drown in it!" I said, rubbing my face on the scabbard.

"Eww!" Kratos weenie-whined. "I don't want it now!"

"Now," I continued, rubbing the scabbard under my arms, "with you by my side, world domination is no idle fantasy!"

"Huh?" Kratos said.

"Mwa,hwah,hwah,hwah!" And with my evil signature laugh, I went about sucking up wildlife, flora, and fauna. Sucking up Bambi, Flower, Thumper, a stream, 20 trees, 15 boulders, and various other things was not a problem. Sub-consciously, I was aware of two things. One, Kratos screaming in a high-pitched girl's voice, "Auntie Em, Auntie Em!" Secondly, I was vaguely aware of the bag at the end of the scabbard swelling rapidly. Hmmm . . . maybe this could pose a problem. Oh, well.

* * *

Meanwhile at Camp

* * *

Everyone was gathered around a fire, eating Genis' delicious home cooked (sorry, out-door cooked) meal of laborious love. Genis finally said, "So Lloyd, what did you think of my casserole of love?" 

"Well," Lloyd said, his mouth dripping with saliva, "I thought it was a little crunchy, but its munchy and crunchy interior was sublime."

A long pause filled the air. Then, "No, Lloyd. I'm not talking about what Noishe made, I meant my food!" ("munchy, crunchy, chewy, and-")

Before anyone could reply to that statement, explosions were heard in the distance. Knowing Sara was being stupid ,again, Eclipse excused herself and headed off to the clearing, thinking, "What awaits me just ahead?"

**

* * *

Find out next on the next chapter of ToS: Tales of Spoof-alot! **


	2. Chapter 2

**More background information: Sara has never beaten the game, Eclipse has. Eclipse is 15-16-ish, Sara is the same age, but in the ToS world, she has the appearance of the 12 year old.**

* * *

As Eclipse walked though the forest, one thing coursed though her mind: Sara. "Urg, that idiot! She's doing something stupid again! I don't know what she's doing, but when I get my hands on her, I will give her a piece of my mind!" Eclipse stopped suddenly, and rubbed her temples with her fingers. "No, wait. Calm down. Sara has good points. Yeah, like . . . " An unexpected pause. Then, "Well, I'm sure that they'll come to me." 

Eclipse resumed walking while muttering, "Sara, though really bizarre, is okay. She wouldn't do anything to harm anyone."

* * *

Flashback

_

* * *

"Heee-yah! Wooo-ah! Hwuah! Yah! Ki-yiiii! Ha-cha! Waaii-yah!" _

Sara continued doing wild karate moves and cries on the Desians, splitting their heads open like coconuts, biting limbs off, popping their knee joints, twisting their arms and spines, and breaking bones while her friends watched in horror.

* * *

End Flashback

* * *

"Um, well, she would never harm her friends!"

* * *

Flashback

_

* * *

"Heee-yah! Wooo-ah! Hwuah! Yah! Ki-yiiii! Ha-cha! Waaii-yah! _

Sara continued doing wild karate moves and cries on Zelos, splitting his head open like a coconut-

* * *

Flashback Abruptly Ended

* * *

"Well, he's a lecherous pervert! He doesn't really count!"

* * *

At that Moment

* * *

"Agh!" screamed Zelos. He fell. 

"Oh no! Zelos died!" Colette exclaimed.

"Who?" asked Lloyd, whose attention span was less then that of a goldfish's.

"I'm not dead!" Zelos said, sitting up again.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Colette wept for joy.

"Do you have to do that every time someone falls down, or gets a splinter or something?"

"Who's Zelos?" asked Lloyd, whose attention span was less then that of a goldfish's

"Why did you fall in the first place?" Colette asked.

"I felt, in the air, one of my hunnies speaking badly of me behind my back. The pain! My heart almost burst!" Zelos slumped to the ground, sobbing hysterically.

"Oh, poor Zelos," said Colette, hugging Zelos in order to comfort him.

"Who's Zelos?" asked Lloyd, whose atte- oh, never mind.

* * *

Back to Eclipse

* * *

"Well, one thing is for certain. Although Sara is obsessed with world domination, I'm sure that deep down in her heart, she wouldn't do anything like that. I mean, it's not like she could have gotten her hands on some powerful vacuum cleaner scabbard disguised as a scabbard, and is presently sucking the forest up." 

Eclipse paused to think, "Although knowing Sara . . ." Eclipse grew pale and a really long pause filled the air.

"Oh . . . my . . . GOD!" And with that, Eclipse ran off toward the clearing where I was sucking up all manner of beast into the vacuum cleaner scabbard. Kratos was clutching what remained of the ground, screaming, "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"

"Sara!" yelled Eclipse, "What the heck are you doing?!"

"Um, dominating the world with Kratos' vacuum cleaner scabbard. What else?"

"You can't do that!"

"And why not?"

"You . . . you just can't! So stop it!"

"Make me you wuss!"

"Fine! I will!"

And Eclipse summoned the power of the forest to her aid and called forth, "Judgement!"

"Whoah! How come you can do that? It's- Ah!" I stopped talking in order to dodge the dangerous beams of light. Then, "Ha! Missed me, missed me, now you gotta-"

Eclipse socked me in the gut. Hard.

"Oof! Well, well, well. Looks like you want to play hard, huh?"

"Bring it on shrimp!"

"With pleasure!"

What is the drastic outcome? A slap fight of course.

"Urg! Stop it, you meanie!"

* * *

About Five Minutes Later

* * *

"Rargh! Enough! Stop! Cut!" 

Eclipse and I sprang apart and landed 30 feet apart from each other. Panting heavily, we both stood as a dramatic breeze swept across the battle field. We glared at each other. We glared . . . . . . . . and glared . . . . . . . . . . and glared. The afternoon passed by pleasantly. The sun was beginning to set. Suddenly . . . . . . . . . . Eclipse blinked.

"Boo-yah! I win! I win! This glaring match was min from the start!" I howled and started up a victory dance.

"I don't get it! How come you always win? It's not fair!"

"I win 'cause I'm the main character!"

"That makes no sense!" cried Eclipse.

"I know. But this does!" I cocked the scabbard, turned it on, and pointed it at Eclipse.

"Oh no you don't!" Eclipse thrust her weapon, a staff, into the ground. She clung on for dear life as the scabbard sucked away.

"Your resilience is impressive, young Jedi," I said in my best Darth Vader voice. "Come to the dark side. Together we will rule this game created by Namco! We will overthrow the spandex king, Yggdrasil! Join me!"

"You're even more of a delusional fruit loop than I thought you were," was Eclipse's reply.

"Oh yeah! I'll show you!" I turned it on full blast. Eclipse drew her staff. Kratos and the remaining forest creatures drew their breaths. I drew a smile of pure wickedness. The scabbard drew nothing.

"Huh?" I cocked the scabbard, turned it on, and pointed it at Eclipse. Still nothing.

"What's wrong with this stupid thing?" I flung it on the ground and stomped on it.

"Whew," Kratos sighed, "Thank goodness! My scabbard was low on power. Good thing I didn't recharge it!"

"Whaddaya mean 'thank goodness!'? You jerk! I wanted to have fun! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I flung myself on the scabbard and started to punch the bag. There was a ripping noise.

"Huh?" I stopped.

"What?" Eclipse stopped.

"Eh?" Kratos stopped.

Time slowed at that point. Eclipse's hands flew to her hand in shock. Kratos shouted, "Ruuuuuuuuun fooooor yooooooouuuuuuuuur liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffe!

My reaction? I shut my eyes and braced for impact.

The bag erupted with a loud, muffled boom. Dust bunnies, animal, plants, water dirt, and rocks flew everywhere. Nature resumed its natural course. The sun set, and then rose again in a matter of seconds. It was afternoon again. From the center of the filth, I sat up. "That," I said, "was so awesome. Let's do that again!"

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Kratos, sitting up at that moment.

"Just kidding! It would have been fun if there weren't any dust bunnies. Blech! They are not tasty! Hey, why do you have that weird look on you're your face?"

The weird look was the one he had shot me earlier. Remember the one that had killed the birds and wyverns? Well, he was shooting that look at me now. Uh-oh.

"Gimme that scabbard!" He lunged at me.

"Eek!"

We struggled, each of us tugging the scabbard in our direction.

"Gimme!"

"No! You gimme!"

There was an audible click as we both pushed the button.

"Uh-oh . . . "

There was a whooshing sound and everything went black.

* * *

Later . . .

* * *

Eclipse had been knocked out when the bag exploded, but she had now woken up. In a flash, she remembered everything that has occurred. She sat up, but aside from the dust bunnies, no one was there. All that was left was the scabbard and . . . . . . . "Oh my God!"

* * *

Meanwhile

* * *

"Ugh . . . ," I opened my eyes slowly. My head hurt. I hate when this happens. I see all sorts of weird stuff, like those planets, floating strawberries, and flying fish . . . .wait. Wha-? Where am I! **

* * *

Eclipse can use Judgement . . . somehow . . . I'm not really sure . . . **

**Tune in next time for ToS: Tales of Spoofalot!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again. This is not Grumpy Dude. This is her friend who is made to type her story. I'm sure some of you know who this is because I've told you about this story, but lets not reveal that right now. So I'll be known as Puppy-chan here. Grumpy Dude thanks everyone for reading and reviewing, and no longer cringes when I tell her she has another review. Good work to everyone who has reviewed so far! **

**Almost everything else after this is all Grumpy Dude. I just type this, give her ideas, and correct her spelling(although it hardly ever needs to be corrected.). Grumpy Dude does not own Tales of Symphonia or Peeps marshmallows. **

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Where am I?" I continued to screech. "What is this place? What's going on? How did I get here? Where is everyone? What's the capital of Syria?" 

All these questions echoed in the distance. Then it came back, in surfer accent. "Dude, you're in the scabbard! This is, like, inside of the scabbard! The scabbard sucked you into an alternative dimension! You were sucked in here though the scabbard! Everyone else is back in the Tales of Symphonia game world except for, like, Kratos who was sucked into the scabbard with you! The capital of Syria is Damascus, dude! Gnarly!"

"Oh . . . . . . . . um, thank you! I think . . . . . ."

"No problemo, brah! It was tubular!" And with a final echoing "Duuuuuude . . . !" The voice faded. Silence. "I think I need a hug," I finally said.

At that moment, I heard a groan from Kratos, whom I was sitting on. There was only one way to make him wake up. But it required great courage. Unfortunately, I was a spineless coward, but fortunately I was strong, smart, and pretty quick. So I took a deep, cleansing breath and gave Kratos a big spine-crunching bear hug, while yelling the Barney theme song at the top of my lungs.

That woke him up.

"AIIIIIEEEEE! Too . . . . much love! Stop! Please!" Kratos begged.

Like Kratos, I was also allergic to love and affection. My flesh started to sizzle as if it was on a gas grill. Once I was sure that he was awake, I let go immediately. I shuddered and moved away.

We stood apart, gasping for air. Kratos rubbed his ribs, while I treated my hug burns. On the bright side, my flesh hadn't dropped off or something like that.

"What was that for?" Kratos yelled, after he had gotten his breath back.

"It was the only way to wake you up."

"No, it wasn't! Why didn't you try to . . .what are you staring at?"

"I-It's . . . . Y-your head," I said, dumbfounded.

""Why?" said Kratos, patting his head. "What's wrong with...my...head?" His hands touched a smooth, shiny surface. Kratos was-

"Bald!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He cried; pausing to breathe, and collapsing on the ground; twitching and sobbing. "No. No. No. No. No. No. No."

I watched this calmly. "Jeez, calm down. You are such a drama queen, I swear. Look, if you're here and your hair isn't here, then there is only one possible place that it can be..."

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

Eclipse was really scared now. Sara and Kratos had disappeared, and all that was left was Kratos's hair.

"I don't know if I should be worried, scared, or grossed out," she said, poking the hair with a stick.

"Stop!"

"Ahhh! What!" Eclipse jumped at the sudden sound.

"What are you doing!" demanded a voice from the wilderness. "Can you not see that this is a divine object from our pagan god, Toucana-Sama(1)!" The voice belonged to a native wearing a grass mumu(2). He had friends.

"What?" cried Eclipse, "What are you talking about? What kind of story is that? I thought everyone here worshiped the Goddess Martel, not Tocoma-Samo-whatever person, and- Hey! Wait! Stop! Give that back! That's someone's property! It belongs to someone! You can't take it!"

Too late. The strange natives wearing grass mumus took off, chanting, "Follow thy nose, wherever it goes!" And holding their hair above their heads, like in the cartoons. At that moment, Colette wandered into the clearing.

"Oh! Eclipse! There you are! I thought you were dead! Thank goodness you're alive!" And she promptly started to cry.

Eclipse ignored her. "Colette, we have got to follow those natives! They stole something of ours! Hurry!"

She grabbed Colette, who was still crying, by the wrist, and together they tore off into the evening in hot pursuit of the hair nappers!

* * *

**While that was happening...**

"So we're in the scabbard?" Kratos asked for the hundredth time.(literally)

"Yes." I said patiently, plucking a floating strawberry out of the air.

"I have no hair?" Kratos asked for the millionth time.(also literally)

"Yes." I was beginning to become exasperated with all this. I busied myself with eating the strawberry.

"And those yellow bunnies are evil?" Kratos asked for the first time.(very literally)

"Yes..." I said. Then, "What? What yellow bunnies?"

"These ones." He said, pointing at his feet. Millions of small yellow bunnies had now clustered at our feet. It looked like a Peeps marshmallow fest.

"Welcome, weary travelers!" They said in squeaky voices.

"Um, hi."

"You will be a most delicious meal!" They licked sharp canine incisors.

"Eh?!"

* * *

**1 Toucana-Sama is the ToS version of Toucan Sam. Heh, how ingenious. **

**2 mumu-type of clothes worn by women when they are pregnant. (That was Grumpy Dude's description. Here is mine after I did a little more research. ) A loose dress that hangs from the shoulder. They are popular as maternity gowns because they do not restrict the waist. Basically a long, loose shirt. (At least, I think that's how Grumpy Dude meant for them to appear.)**

**What will happen now? Find out next time on ToS:Tales of Spoofalot! **

**Preview: Who knew that little yellow bunnies were evil carnivores? And what about the mumu natives? Tune in next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yes! The chapter is up! And it has been made longer than it was going to be originally, just for all you lucky readers. Enjoy!**

* * *

At the camp...

"You know," said Raine, "Sweetums(Eclipse) has been missing for quite a while. And Daddy Kratos and Baby(Sara) have not shown up yet. I'm worried." She heaved a motherly sigh.

"Don't worry!" said Presea, ever the optimist. "I'm sure that they will be coming any minute! Have faith and be strong, Mommy!"

"Thank you, Rosie-poo!" Raine smiled. "That's a good thing to keep in mind!" And she hugged Presea.

The Kodak moment ended when the grass mumu natives ran through the camp, knocking over tents and supplies while still holding the hair symbolically over their heads. Hot on their trail was Eclipse, dragging Colette (who was still crying) in the dirt.

"Get back here!"

"Follow thy nose, wherever it goes!"

With a final crash they left the camp. The silence was broken by Lloyd's wail. "Woydie hungwy! Fweed Woydie!"

"Oh, sorry, Cutie-pie!" Raine fetched a jar of baby food. "Sheena, honey, will you feed Lloydie?"

"Life is pointless," groaned Sheena, a depressed adolescent who was in the midst of giving herself paper cuts with her cards to relieve the pain of living. After getting paid some serious gald, she grudgingly spooned food into Lloyd's mouth. Zelos put more mascara on, while Regal, being horribly near-sighted, walked into a tree and knocked himself out. While Presea and Raine were tending to him, Genis finished cooking up another casserole of love, because that was all he could make. Yes, it was another normal evening for everyone. Well, almost everyone.

**

* * *

Meanwhile, in the scabbard... **

I almost opened my eyes, but then remembered, "Every time the tragic hero opens up their eyes, they really regret it. Big time. Hey, isn't there a song called big time? Oh yeah, there is! Yeah, it's by-"

"Wake-up, food! Wakey-wakey!"

"Hmmn?"

I opened my eyes and instantly regretted it. Kratos and I were dangling on a rope attacked to a cliff. That wouldn't have been too bad, except that we were hanging over a pot of boiling cabbage and marshmallows.

"May I inquire as to what the heck that foul concoction is?" I asked tentatively.

"Your final resting place!" was the cheerful, squeaky response.

"Oh...all right. Just checking..." I turned to Kratos, who was awake and quite shocked by these turn of events. The bunnies left to cackle with evil mischief.

"We have to get out of here." I told him.

"But how? You got us into this mess! You get us out!" he wailed.

"Au contraire, my friend! 'Twas not I! It was...them!"

"Them?"

"Them! The authors!" I turned my head to the heavens. "You hear me! You hacks better do something right now or else this story will be..." I took a deep breath. "...TO BE CONTINUED LIKE IN THE CANCELED SOAPS!"

Kratos gasped in pure terror.

**

* * *

Meanwhile, in a computer room... **

One of the authors gasped in pure terror. "'To be continued'! This can't happen! If this story is lost, then what will happen to our fame and fortune! What about out dream careers! WE'LL NEVER KNOW HOW THE STORY ENDS! What about-"

"Aw, button your lip and let me think." The second author snapped. "And breathe, too."

The first author quieted down and took in deep calming breaths. When she had calmed down enough to stop babbling, the problem still remained.

"So, what do we do now?" asked author #1.

"I think you know what we do." replied author #2 gravely.

"B-b-but, we s-swore," stammered author #1. "No one h-has ever-"

"'-Done this before.' I know!" finished author #2. "But we don't have any other choice."

A silence, then, "All right, let's do it!"

**

* * *

And while that was happening... **

"Follow thy nose!"

"Get back here!"

"I'm so happy!"

**

* * *

Ok, that was pointless. Meanwhile... **

"We're getting you guys out! Hang on! This is gonna be really weird!" yelled authors #1 and #2.

"Hurry!" screamed Kratos, his butt inches from the cauldron. "I'm scared!"

"Oh, shut up, you drama queen!" said Sara, who was, as you know, also in the same predicament.

**_

* * *

Will our heroes be free, or will their butts be fried! Tune in next time! _**

Or just continue reading now!

* * *

In the computer room... 

"All right! Let's rock!"shouted authors #1 and #2.

With the force of a wounded beluga whale, the authors' fingers rained upon the keyboard. Random words were appearing like dandelions on the screen. Light poured from the computer and angels sang.

"How do we know if this is working?" yelled author #1 over the noise.

"I don't know! Let's check on them!" called back author #2.

**

* * *

Meanwhile, over the boiling cabbages and marshmallows... **

At that moment (when we last left them), Sara and Kratos's pot of doom disappeared.

"Whew!" Kratos heaved a sigh of relief.

Then, in place of the cauldron, a shark tank appeared. Great white sharks leapt out of the tank and snapped at them. One succeeded in getting a chunk of Kratos's pants.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Kratos. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"Kratos, stuff it! Someone's pulling us up!" yelled Sara.

"But who?" asked Kratos.

"Oh, no. THEM." Sara gloomily sighed.

"There's no way that some stupid great white sharks that appeared out of no where are gonna steal OUR food! We nabbed you first!"

The little bunnies "Heave-ho!"ed out heroes all the way up to the cliff top from which Sara and Kratos had been dangling from.

"You...saved us..." Kratos gasped. "W-why?"

"They already said why, dummy," Sara sighed. "They're going to eat us. Weren't you listening?"

"What? What was that? Did you say something?" Two cotton balls had magically appeared in Kratos's ear canals.

"Since we can't pickle you in out most delicious pickling juice (it's partially hydrogenated)-" started one of the bunnies.

"THAT WAS PICKLING JUICE?" Sara roared.

"Don't interrupt, food!" And with those words, one of the bunnies conked Sara on the head with a sledge hammer which appeared out of nowhere. She slumped to the ground with a groan. Kratos whimpered.

"Now where was I? Oh yes. Since we can't pickle you in out most delicious pickling juice (it's partially hydrogenated) and since we're so evil, we'll eat you whole!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kratos.

"YEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the bunnies.

"AAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!" screamed Sara.

Time seemed to stop.

**

* * *

In the computer room... **

"AAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!" screamed author #2.

"What? What's wrong?" asked author #1 fanatically, as she returned from a snack break.

"THE STUPID COMPUTER FROZE UP!" yelled author #2.

"Come again?" said author #1.

"I SAID, THE STUPID COMPU-" started author #2.

"I meant quieter," said author #1.

"Oh." Author #2 cleared her throat. "The stupid computer froze up."

"Don't worry, I can fix it." Author #1 flipped some switches and pressed a button. The whirring and humming stopped, then resumed.

"Yay! You're a genius!" Author #2 hugged author #1.

"Aw, shucks," author #1 said modestly.

"Well, I'm taking a break now." Author #2 skipped off to the kitchen. "Hold down the fort while I'm gone, 'kay?"

"Hey! Get back here, you mooch!"

**

* * *

While that pointless argument was going on... **

"Follow(huff, puff) thy(pant, huff) nose (puff wheeze)!"

"Come(huff, puff) back (pant, huff) here(puff wheeze!"

"I'm(sob, snivel) so(sniff, snivel) happy(wail, sob)!"

**

* * *

And while that equally pointless thing was going on... **

At that moment, a miracle happened. The computer rebooted and the bunnies turned into lemmings. And the lemmings, as you should know from old wives tales, would now immediately leap over the edge of the cliff and into the shark tank. And that's exactly what happened.

"WE'RE SAVED!" yelled Kratos.

"It's not over yet," cautioned Sara.

"Why? What's wrong?" Kratos searched the desolate landscape.

"It's the end of this chapter. We have to wait here until the next one."

"Waaaaah! No fair! We'll die of boredom!" cried Kratos.

"Hmmm... It's possible. Well, goodnight." And Sara fell asleep.


End file.
